This match report comes a week late for a few reasons, but mainly because every time I remember this game I smash my face against a wall until I pass out.
First things first, City South Farm are good at what they do. They had a plan, they all knew what it was and they played to their strengths. So rigidly did they follow this plan that I spent the vast majority of the time I was on the pitch looking up at the sky as the ball sailed over my head towards their red faced front man.
Indeed, their first goal was an excellent header to a cross brilliantly delivered from the half way line. I'm not sure anyone could have saved that, let alone our makeshift keeper James Carnevale (who did a great job in goal in the first half).
St Bernadette's recovered well though I don't remember much of it now, maybe the repeated self-inflicted concussions to block out the memory of the defeat are to blame for that. But I do remember Colin Clements scoring an excellent goal to make it 2-1 to the good guys before the half time break.
The second half was a load of boring bullshit. City South Farm played one long ball after another and swore a lot. Occasionally, the ball would ricochet into the St Bernadette's goal, but their goals were as much 'goals' as Chris Moyles' autobiography is a 'book'. Sure, all the components of a book are there. Words. Sentences. Pages that turn over to reveal yet more words and sentences. But, if you were in any way responsible for the creation of those pages, you'd have to immediately kill yourself by swallowing a cocktail of broken glass, bleach and shit.
We did score a third, but I was looking the other way so I don't even know what happened really.
Wasn't all bad though. It was a lovely sunny afternoon and I went to play a few games of ping pong and watch Dredd and it was alright I suppose though it's a shame they got locked in the building and that because it was interesting until then but maybe they will do that more in the sequel and also I won at ping pong.